Thursday, September 15, 2016

While Running...We Ran Into Jesus!

I've been trying to out run my grief for 8 weeks now, but oh how it feels like eternity, I've literally been going nowhere fast. Its like he faster I run the closer it is behind me, on top of me, and under me. It feels like a million pound gorilla is sitting on my chest and he's enjoying being there. I'm watching my daughter Mikeia become someone new, I'm passing Michael in traffic knowing he's running too, there seems to be no peace or shall I say no rest at the Inn for us nowhere. There is this silence and hurt that we all share but our experience in and with this is so very different, but our pain is GREAT the same!There is this silence of hurt, anger, longing and lost, it speaks so very loud in our home to the point it pierces our hearts and ears but most of all our souls. Even as I type my emotions are all over the place, I'm thinking of how the scent of our sons are leaving our home drifting away with time. But they are in our hearts and on our minds 24/7. I truly feel that there is nothing in the world nobody can do or say to hurt me or make me or my family feel as bad as we already do, nothing. Oh but when I feel that there is no prayer that I can pray that my heart can even convey to God, and all I can do is stare, or sit and cry, my lips somehow begin to move and my voice slowly rises just enough to say JESUS and immediately he quiets my soul and releases this healing balm within me that I may never be able to explain, and I'm strengthen just enough for another single day, and so Is Michael, Mikeia and Nevaeh. Truly the prayers of the righteous availeth much!


  1. Today has been extremely hard for me, as my body is physically racked with pain, due to this Fibromyalgia and stress of missing the boys! My feelings are so deep, I can't explain this pain I feel. Not seeing that glow in your eyes, the lost look of Michael and Mikeia hurts even more because as much as I love you THERE IS NOTHING I can do or say to take your pain away!!!!! This is such a disruption to our entire family and we are just trying to make it through and thank you for allowing me to speak freely about what I feel! I am always praying for you all, continue to let yourself grieve and keep running to Jesus!!!! That's exactly where I am going! Love you much my baby girl!💜

  2. The transparency of your heart that you share with us is difficult to witness as well as it is showing your willingness to be vulnerable before God. When we're vulnerable before Him, we give Him the room to do whatever it is to encourage healing to happen.

    I pray for you all daily, for God's strength, favor and undeniable peace, we are forever with you. We love you family <3

  3. We need to talk hun!!! You know I love you and it kills me that this is happening and I can't make it stop...this literally takes my breath. Somehow,someway we have to get thru!!